Time Marches On

When I was young, I would stay up every New Year's Eve and wait for the "ball" to drop on New York City (re-run for central time, of course).  It would bring in the new year with fabulous promise,  opportunity and hope.  It was refreshing and invigorating and all the positive things I would think as I looked forward to my life, renewed with the new year. Somewhere along the way, I lost that hopefulness.  Now if its 10:00, I go to bed, even on New Year's night. Sadly, I am no longer excited by time marching on. I've come to realize that my life has been going no where for a long time.

I went to church on Sunday (twice) and listened to the sermon (twice) but I definitely needed to hear it (twice). I think I tend to think of my life as a failure but only because I've listened to a lot of negative criticism.  The sermon talked about all the little things we do everyday that are accomplishments and praises that we don't really even think about; that we forget about. The little joys should be brought into the forefront of our lives and the disappointments should left behind.

I woke up this morning thinking about how knitting has helped me to be more hopeful and joyful all year round. I think about the people I love all year because it takes me all year to to get it all knitted. In my own peculiar way, that's my praise.  I get to do what I really like and seem to have a modest talent for and I get to show the people that I love that I love them and think about them all year.

Once again, I am loathe to come up with those unattainable new year's resolutions.  But I have discovered that those resolutions do a couple of things, first, they get one off of one's proverbial duff and move one in a positive direction. This past year, I have gained even more weight, allowed more disappointment to soak up my already shallow pool of hope and choked down additional negativity from certain members of my family.

I have become "silent" again.

I had promised myself after my last divorce 8 years ago that it wouldn't happen again but here I am, silent and disappointed. I learned a long time ago that if you're not willing to do something about "it" (whatever "it" is) then shut up.

So I will make some new year's resolutions this year.  I need to lose weight, get off my bottom and go do something. I will definitely look for the accomplishments and joys in everyday life and I will write them down (as suggested in the sermon) so that I can reclaim the joy that each day will bring.

I hope your new year is full of hope, opportunity and joy.  I wish this for myself as well.